Burning Goddess
by Anne Holly
Summary: A brief confessions by Remus Lupin, about his lover and wife. A morally complex journey...directly related to Hermione's assertion My heart is telling me to give you everything.


I haven't written in a long time...please flame me if you hate it. I would love some harsh**_ c_****_ritique!_** Enjoy...

**The Other…**

If you think fallingin love is as hard as running a marathon, you would be gravely mistaken. Falling in love is the easiest part of the whole _DAMN thing_, keeping it to yourself if the hard part. The secret bulge at my chest and at my Adam's apple, makes me want to vomit. It may not seem very pleasant, but there's a burning beauty that keeps it from hurting too bad. That passion keeps my brain sane. If the world was fair, I would tell everyone I loved her. She had such lovely eyes that looked up me when ever I felt down. I loved her, I would even dare say that I still love her now. I am married, to another woman. A beautiful woman with lovely blue hair and pink eyes, constantly interchanging. She's smart and funny, everything I am not. The opposite of me or whom I appear to be. She loves me and only me which makes me feel so manly, if there is such a word. I often feel guilty for loving someone else more than her. She is wonderful. She truly is, but there is something lacking in our love. The passion, the burning passion I had for the other.

**Who is she?**

She knows who she is. She knows my deep desire for her. She knows it so. I have often convinced myself that she doesn't know, but she does. I can see it in her brown eyes, they tell me to _"stop, drop and roll over"_. She reads me like a book with the words,_ "I need you now"_ on it. I need her, if she wasn't there to tempt me, I would have gone insane. Yes, I cheated on my wife with her. Once… I would tell her I loved her I were given the slightest chance. If she told me to leave my wife for her, I would.

**Obsessed?**

Maybe. I would go out of my way just to drive by her house to see if she was in. I would often bring a cake over just to have an excuse to go into her home. She would let me in and smile in a way that plainly says, _"I know you love me, but I wish you wouldn't"._ I can not help myself She smells so...so...I can not describle.

**Innocent?**

She isn't as innocent as I have described her. She knows my weakness., her lips, the way she bites them and licks them when she is nervous. When I leave to go home to my faithful wife, she would bite her lips, the bottom one first and then the top. She would wish me a pleasant night and then nibble on her bottom lip again. She was tempting me. She wanted me to grab her beautiful little face and kiss her. She wanted me to kiss her and touch her fair body. I would cry a little inside because I couldn't do that. I would only stretch out my hand and lightly free her lip from her teeth and tell her it's a bad habit. She would smile and then sigh with an arousing little gasp at the end. It would send chills down my back and raise the little hairs on my arm.

**Cheating?**

_Yes, I know you want to know._ I **cheated.** I had gone over to her place on a Friday night. I bought with me a chocolate cake my wife made. She let me in as always and sliced a silver of cake. I sat on a brown fabric coach in her little family room. I remembered the lights were dim and dull. She came in with the cake on a rose planted plate, a golden fork in your other hand. She sat directly across from me and placed the cake in the middle between us on the table. She feed me some cake, purposely smearing some of it on my bottom lip. She smiled and whispered to me, _"you're a messy boy, aren't you"._ She leaned forward and wiped the chocolate off my lip with her thumb. My darling sucked her thumb as I stared in awe. She knew I was captured. _"Oops I missed a spot."_ she said and leaned forward and licked my bottom lip. That point on, it was all a dream, the greatest dream I ever had. I only remember fragments of that night. I remember her lips on mine, her tongue against mine, wresting with mine, and her hands travelling down my body. My mind had drown from the sudden overdose of hormones. My hands were constantly unbuttoning, unzipping, feeling, sensing, pulling, thrusting, and clinging toevery part of her. Before I knew it, the sun came up. Saturday morning, with her still on my chest. Her bushy brown hair on her sweat covered face.She was asleep or pretended to be, perhaps guiltpoisoned her.I left her there on the coach completely naked when I left to go home.

Don't judge me. I wouldn't have gotten married if I knew this would happen. I loved her from the beginning, when she first walked into my classroom. If I knew then that she had equal passion for me, I wouldn't be here talking about this. If the headmaster hadn't died, I would never had let my wife into my life. If I had confessed my love to my darling, I wouldn't have said yes to my wife's proposal. Yes she proposed, I never intended to marry her. Yes I am harsh. I dated her because she made me laugh and because I was forced, by the order. I never intended to get further than dating, but when she proposed, I just couldn't say no. She was so earnest. She had planned it so well that I hadn't suspected a thing. If I had any suspicion I would have made an excuse. I hate having to go through all of the _"what if…"_ They drive me insane because I know the world would have been a very different place if we were all in the _"what if"_ mode. This passage was written strictly for my darling. A confession of passion, desire, and love for my darling little brown eyed goddess.

_I love you_

_I hope and pray that you loved and will loveme back._

**secretly.**


End file.
